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| Rrrrgg!! |
| 10.27.04 (7:38 am) [edit] |
Im getting those fucking headaches again, where im not allowed to sleep and when i am its only for a little while and then im woken up every fucking 30 minutes! and to top it off, im sick! right before exams! just my luck! fuck it!
And they want me to play soccer tomorrow? fuck that! ill be at home trying unsuccessfully not to die in my sleep!
Here is actually another photo of Phil and I from the Formal, Phils mum took this photo! its quite good i mean look at the angle she was on?!
http://www.zorpia.com/cgi/photoaction.cgi?action=original&signa ture=498310de5e0a8d8b49b1 82da3d7f48d3c6b83d4d3b817 3b57e46d2204004f63a&refer er=/cgi/photoaction.cgi" title="http://www.zorpia.com/cgi/photoaction.cgi?action=original&signa ture=498310de5e0a8d8b49b1 82da3d7f48d3c6b83d4d3b817 3b57e46d2204004f63a&refer er=/cgi/photoaction.cgi" target="_blank"http://www.zorpia.com/cgi/pho...%3Faction%3Doriginal%26si gnature%3D498310de5e0a8d8 b49b182da3d7f48d3c6b83d4d 3b8173b57e46d2204004f63a
I should soon get the actual professional ones and ill post them up too... not that i think anyone looks at them but meh, someone out there might... *thinks about what she just said* that just didnt sound right and it kind of freaked me out!!!!
...!!!!
*shudders* that it just wrong!!!
*Shakes head* *Coughs..... coughs,coughs,coughs,coug hs* fuck it!!!
Bree
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| Have you ever... |
| 10.15.04 (9:32 am) [edit] |
Been that angry that your whole body shakes and basically just takes over your mind? I was like that Monday... yeah Monday and i punched the computer and broke two thingies on the face of the computer. My sister is trying to get mum and dad to put me in a anger management program cause thats not "how normal people act" Im so terribly sorry im "not normal" then.
On to other things, i went to my sisters graduation yesterday (Thursday) and that was so fucking boring... omg seriously! what a load of shit! i sat there for an hour and a half listening to some guy with a monotone voice (and he looked like he was 130!) read out all the names before my sisters, just to see her get up, walk up to the guy, tip her stupid 90 dollar hat to the guy and then walk off again!! i was so shitted off! i could have been at school learning something, i shouldnt even think about having days off this term, when im so close to graduating also! I mean you might think im being a bit harsh but its not like she's even coming to mine! she cant make it, cause she cant swap shifts with someone at work, and she said she would call in sick but i dont want anyone to come to my graduation, its not like its going to be anything "Dramatic" such as hers! :roll:
I dont even feel i exist to my sister, its like she doesnt care... : (
I fucking hate parents! all of them should just go live on another bloody planet! My arse they dont compare and judge you to others! and then try and make it up by saying "It's your turn next" or "You'll be up there one day" pfft just say the truth dont tip toe around me like i need to be protected!
Yeah im proud of my sister for finally graduating from University but its not like it wasnt going to happen, shes smarter than me, or so my parents like to RUB IN, it will be interesting to see if i even get in to uni besides trying to Graduate from it. I dont even know what im going to study in Uni, if i get in, none even cared to ask (out of my family) what i put down and im not going to tell them... See isnt it great to have such a supportive family?
I dont want to go to work tomorrow, lol, its funny cause i havent even started and i dont know what its like, but my body is just telling me dont go to work your fucked from playing soccer lastnight (thursday night). Well at least i can look forward to going down the beach Monday, my last public holiday for my schooling years and i get to spend it with friends trying unsucessfully to get a tan! *Sigh* that sounds like so much fun! *excited*
Im actually looking forward to next year, not because it means that this year has past and all its shit has gone with it but to travel! im going travelling! (Before Uni starts) Im going to Hong Kong, China, Thailand and somewhere else! I think it was Europe! im so excited! So my plan is to like work in the summer holidays and go to the beach on my days off to learn how to surf then with that money i can go stupid and spend it overseas! cause we're not paying for accomodation, or the flight or anything! ALL EXPENSES PAID! Well i think food we have to buy and stuff like that but we dont have to fork out thousands to go over there or to stay in some hotel! :D :D :D
Anyway i think i'll go only cause its really late and i took 3 codine before so its made me SUPER tired, things are getting blurry...
Bree
P.S. Note to self! never drive with Phil Mac when he's in the Camry! he doesnt know how to go around round-abouts! he full makes the back of the car slide around then swings it hard to correct it again, i seriously thought i was gonna die when he picked me up to go to Soccer on Thursday:!:
8) Catch ya lata!
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| Interesting |
| 10.12.04 (9:50 am) [edit] |
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I've had an interesting few weeks... I got a job, I had a party, I moved, went to the beach plenty of times, and booked Schoolies which was suppose to be done like a month ago...
I could elaborate on the topics but im just to lazy :D
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| Pictures! |
| 09.29.04 (2:21 am) [edit] |
Okay so both pictures from the formal look really shocking and the first one isnt done professionally but its enough to show off, my mum reckons, i mean she gave one to my hairdresser... shes just strange.
http://www.zorpia.com/prv/80609cf19880e7aa5 74774148c1ec7cb51656db5c5 8b7fa31cb1e4c2bdd27c2d.jpg" title="http://www.zorpia.com/prv/80609cf19880e7aa5 74774148c1ec7cb51656db5c5 8b7fa31cb1e4c2bdd27c2d.jpg" target="_blank"http://www.zorpia.com/prv/806...
That's Phil and I
http://www.zorpia.com/prv/bdcb45643458344c2 aab706d80dc0a149866426ae0 22711604044c4704d5e788.jpg" title="http://www.zorpia.com/prv/bdcb45643458344c2 aab706d80dc0a149866426ae0 22711604044c4704d5e788.jpg" target="_blank"http://www.zorpia.com/prv/bdc...
And that's Phil, I and Kelly (she looked so pretty that night!!!)
There i kept to my promise!
Bree
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| FORMAL AND THE BEACH! |
| 09.22.04 (10:57 pm) [edit] |
I think i should start with the Formal.... WOOT!! I've never seen so many people scrub up so well (im included in that one) im still getting complements from people who dont talk to me! So i must have looked alright, i would show you a photo of Phil and I together but dad hasnt sent them to me yet. (i promise to post at least one when i get them sent to me)
Anyway the after party was shit, all these sebs showed up and just trashed Laras party, all the people from our school sort of stayed way down the back and let the sebs have the other part of the yard. I dont remeber too much from the party, but i do remember little midge, Mitch and Sarah were wasted before 1 and when we left they were still stumbling around the yard. OMG do you know how hard it is to walk up the road when your really tired, full of alcohol and have a friend that whinges cause she got hit in the elbow by a bottle? ugh! i suggest you dont do it! i also suggest you dont walk up the road at 3 in the morning.
Onto other things, a group of us went to the beach yesterday, 6 cars full of people and we all cruised down around 8:30 and had so much fun that were going to go up the coast sometime next week and do the same thing! hehe i crash tackled Erin into the water, Tina into the sand, but they both got me back crash tackling me at the same time into the sand... it was pretty bad cause i can still taste sand even though, i've cleaned my teeth and eaten brekkie and lunch.
But it was a really good day anyway i throughly enjoyed myself even if we had to leave at 4:15pm. I would have liked to stay later but hey i wasnt driving so i had to leave when the driver was leaving.
The thing that made the day so great was i hardly got sunburnt and i quite possibility went a light bronze colour on my arms and legs! The only place i got burnt was the back of my knees and feet and top of my head which is strange cause i had a hat on... nevermind.
The waves were rough though, omg people were getting smashed faster than they could come up and breathe
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| Two days to go |
| 09.15.04 (1:06 am) [edit] |
Yeah thats right. Two days to go to my Senior Formal... i was really excited but now im so over it, i just looking forward to the post party at Laras! It only goes to 3:30 am though, which only gives up 3 hours cause well the formal finishes at 11:30 but you dont have to leave till 12 and then she reckons not to come till 12:30... meh we're going back to aimees and drinking then getting up at like 7 to go into the city or some crap...
Dont really have anything else to say just that i got an A on my English piece today, im quite proud that will leave me with an over all High Achievement on my Exit Statement. Everything else is looking really bad, but i still have one term to fix it, so hopefully i can pull a few mircales here and there...
If people want i can put photos up of the formal when i get the film develped but then i know my friends will bag me for it so your just going to have to ask.
Bree
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| Nobody said it was easy |
| 09.08.04 (5:04 am) [edit] |
How much of an understatement is that?
Do we really go to school for 12 - 14 years of school to sit 4 - 7 exams all about 2 - 3 hours long just to be degraded into a number that will be like a barcode for the rest of your life? (Aussies know what im talking about)
Do we really go to school to learn and expand our minds or do we go to school to become a more social person?
[b] No one ever said it would be this hard [/b]
I really thought this year would be great. Not fantastic not out-of-this-world just great, but its gone from bad to worse.
There are so many things i can list right now but i cant get my fingers to type them.
Life isnt easy, i know that, but my family have been down for a while and were just now getting the shit kicked out of us bascially. One bad thing after another, and when people say what comes around, goes around, obviously have never been in a situation im in, my familys in.
Never had to deal with the possiblity of not being able to finish school, never had to deal with the family breaking up and going their own ways, never had to deal with wanting so hard for something to go right just once in this god forsaken place, but for it to backfire in your face and end up just pushing you further into the dirt...
I need help, i need support, i need to get out of here... Phil is going to take me somewhere on the weekend, we dont care where we are going we're just going to go, get out of this shit hole, get out of this life we both lead. I wouldnt care if i didnt come back, i should just dissapear it would be so much easier...
My mind is telling me all i need is a shoulder to cry on and a long talk possibly a hug too. Someone who can support me, hug me, talk to me, make me smile, make me forget for just a little while. Is that to much to ask for? is it? ... ... i want it to be the weekend, i hope we end up staying somewhere for the night, i really do need to get out of this place its driving me insane.
Im not well.
B
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| Well... |
| 08.23.04 (2:04 am) [edit] |
What can i say? i cant do this plain and simple. I cant do school when i have no one around to support me. I need help. Look im even reaching out as people call it. *Sigh* i need help... :cry:
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| Umm... good question! What can i call this Entry? |
| 06.09.04 (5:30 am) [edit] |
15 Years Ago, I:
1. Umm was 2!
2. Errrfff, probably loved being messy!
3. Got my Teddy... which i still have today!!!
4. Oooh i had an older sister, she was 7!!
5. We played Barbies a lot... but that was when i was older...
10 Years Ago, I:
1. I was 7 years old.
2. Pfft umm oooh this is when i played with Barbies
3. Was in grade 2!
4. Didnt care about a thing in the world, just when dinner was being served!
5. Fell when skipping and landed on my knees, still have the scars!!! *sigh* got to love the batte scars!
5 Years Ago, I:
1. Turned 12.
2. Was in the last year of Primary School... 7
3. Loved it because it was the only time i could be myself
4. WATCHED CHARMED!... i think it came out then... *looks confused* it might have already been out a year before... well more obsessed then... there happy!?!?
5. My sister was 17, i went to her graduation
3 Years Ago, I:
1. *Sigh* was 14... if you cant do the math...
2. Hmm i wonder what grade i was in.... guess anyone?
3. Did Karate
4. Hated school, but got good marks
5. Started talking to Leanne.
1 Year Ago, I:
1. Was sweet 16... *sigh* the good old days... lol :D
2. Loved Harry Potter
3. wanted to drive so badly!
4. Had a fight with Leanne and now i dont talk to her anymore.
5. Charmed was alright... considering how it is now...
Yesterday, I:
1. Had the day off from school
2. Had Maccas for dinner
3. Was 17 and 5 days old.
4. Bought Chocolate
5. Felt worried about English results
Today, I:
1. Got up at 6:45 am.... *grumbles*
2. Bus was late, i abused it... in my mind obviously, like duh!
3. Got attacked by my sisters dog, full ripped into my arm with her freaking teeth!!!!
4. Slept when i got home from school, cause i did Gym and tired myself out
5. .Printed out Harry Potter movie times!
Tomorrow, I:
1. Will try and not worry about ANYTHING!
2. Will have a double of Accounting... *Lights up a sign saying Depressing!*
3. Will go see Harry Potter, opening night!
4. Will want it to be Friday, doesnt have to catch the bus home then, has a driving lesson... yes!
5. Wash my hair *nods*
5 Games I Like:
1. Errf Computer games
2. RPGing on boards
3. Board games
4. Card games
5. Drinking games.... see how i planned that one, huh huh?!
5 Things I'd Buy With $1000:
1. A mobile phone for a friend
2. Food
3. Buy some nice clothes
4. Buy something nice for my dad and mum
5. Buy some DVD's!
Top 5 Bands/Artists Lately:
1. Hoobastank
2. Frankee
3. Simple Plan
4. Britney Spears (songs not her!).. agreed!
5. Hmmm... Baby Bash
3 Bad Habits I Have
1. Biting my nails
2. Not studying enough
3. Spending way to much time on the net
Interests at the moment:
1. Harry Potter
2. Looking into joining a Gym or doing a sport
3. The net... *hugs monitor tightly*
3 TV Shows I Like:
1. Charmed (As if you wouldnt)
2. Alias
3. Late night tv shows, just crack me up
4 Places I've Visited:
1. Cairns
2. Sydney
3. Canberra
4. Hong Kong... well soon enough!! pfft give it another year and i'll be over there!
My Top 3 Biggest Worries at the Moment:
1. School
2. School
3. If i fuck up school, im dead
Biggest Joys at the Moment:
1. Dont have any to worried!
2. What did i just say!?!?! Geezs!!
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| What a month? |
| 04.25.04 (4:29 am) [edit] |
Its been a while, i noticed since my last blog, and well the reason being, im lazy. I had school stuff to do and i wasnt here for the holidays.
On another topic driving is so fun, i cant wait to get my licence and a car, then i can go wherever the fu*k i want without anyone stopping me! Im so pee'd off cause my sister wont let me drive anywhere in her car cause... i dont even know why, she just doesnt want me to drive, so all i get is one lesson a week and im not improving cause thats all the driving i get! So its gonna take a while i reckon... hmm..
Not happy about school, its just been shit all together, but hey im not failing, just not getting the marks i want, i need some motivation and ill be right, i just have to find that motivation and fast cause i have things due on the 30 April... pfft!
Not much more to comment on, but if i can i will try and come and say something more frequently... heheh
Bree
P.S. Boring post i know but im serious when i say that i really dont have anything to talk about!
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| Hold me please? |
| 03.10.04 (4:04 am) [edit] |
Why is it so hard for people to understand how hard year 12 is?
Seriously i was on the phone to my parents before and i was so upset that i ran away, i only came back like 30 mins ago. My sister was whinging in their ear that im not doing my part around the house and all i do is sleep...
Well she did year 12 she [i][b]KNOWS [/b][/i]how hard it is! but she never had to do anything did she, she had mum and dad to do it all didnt she? she never had to live with someone else!
Im so angry that they dont understand, im just passing fucking year 12 for christ sake and all anyone can do is yell at me!!!! im so sick of it i took into account that if i died tonight no one would have cared, seriously they wouldnt notice me gone - maybe they would because they wouldnt have anyone to do everything for them!
I think i broke my left hand too, i punched the desk twice and now it really hurts and its like swollen.
Im so tired of all their shit, i get enough of it at school, you think i want to come home and listen to them yell down my throat about not pulling my weight around the house and yet get good grades, its too much, and im not dropping out of school, its not an option, i want to be something!
They are so evil that they said that if i dont they will take me out of school here and make me live up there. No way, i would fucking die before i live up there, and i'll fucking do it too, ive come close once took a lot of drugs, didnt wake for a day and when i did i had the worst headache, but i have easy access to drugs, my sister has them everwhere in the house - idiot!
Im so angry im crying, im crying angry tears because no one gets me, no one gets me.
Bree
no one understands, no one.
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| It's funny isnt it... |
| 03.02.04 (1:10 am) [edit] |
how the mind works. I was thinking late last night again how much this year is important and how much i need to get A's in like everything... and i got upset because i know that i have not achieved that so far and i have done 3 assessments already... im so upset with myself :cry:
Moving on to a rather happier topic, i received my work experience form back and im working at 'Terry Fisher & Co' a laywer firm. Im like the only one in my group that got their first choice.
It starts on the 29 of March and finishes the 2 of April... Leannes 18... Its been all mixed up lately. Sometimes she will just start talking to me and other times i will just start talking to her. We dont say "stop talking to me" but we just sort of stop. I dont know whats happening but whatever it is i think it may be a good thing, maybe not. I just dont want to get hurt badly again so im all hmm...
*Sniffs air* aaahh dinner awaits sorry guys, i've gotta go, im so hungry!
Bree
P.S. I got invited to an 18th im so wrapped!! its like Saturday or something... meh... im going...
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| Im so annoyed! |
| 02.28.04 (9:20 pm) [edit] |
So i have noticed that i havent been myself and blogged lately... to everyone that actually takes the time and reads this junk, thank you and i wont leave it that late again... hopefully...
Anyway friday gone... the 27 i received my learner licence and i got to drive home which was eventful to say the least, i nearly took out a post but that was because Rob (my sis's boyfriend) scared me and i served... other than that i did alright, but i noticed in his car that you just have to touch the acc. and your at 20 its so touchy!
So anyway my mum and dad and sister are down for the weekend and mum said that i could drive her around the block... they go home in a hour and still havent driven them around the block! If they dont want me to drive just tell me not say i can but never get around to it.
My sister doesnt even want me to touch her car until i have had lessons... how mean? :cry: you know mum and dad let her drive their car as soon as she got hers without having lessons and yet i cant touch hers... thats not cool! not cool at all, shes cruel!
Anyhoo im trying to work on my legal assignment but im just to tired to do so. See i went to a party lastnight, a family thingo and ugh what shit thats why i dont like going to family things they are so boring and just pfft, i didnt even know 3/4 of the people there! But alas the draft is due tomorrow (monday) so i must!
... im sorry but im still shitted that they wont let me drive, my first lesson isnt until Thursday so you would think they would let me have a little go just to show the driver instructor i know a bit and that we dont have to go over where is the brake and what does this mean... ugh!!!
Hey did everyone know that its the 29 of Feb... its only the 29 of Feb every 4 years.... whoo!!!!
Hmm, just looking at my legal assignment, i really think i should get started on it... its quite big... *grumbles* sorry but i will be back in the near future to have another whinge... bye loyal followers!
Bree
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| Help!!!!!!!! |
| 02.13.04 (6:59 am) [edit] |
Okay everyone, i need help.
No not mental help... well not yet but help for choosing something to put on the back of my year 12 Jersey!
Now it can only be 10 characters long (including spaces, but if i want to put more on, it will cost me an extra 1.50 and im okay with that so yeah)
But its got to be something funny. One of my friends last year had "Kick me!" and her friend had "Kick her!"
I want it to be something funny guys, now i only have until Wednesday the 18 and today being Saturday the 14 im in trouble!
If you have suggestions please and i mean PLEASE tell me, long or not, just tell me!!!!
Bree
[L] [A] [T] [E] [R]
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| Special Needs |
| 02.11.04 (3:56 am) [edit] |
Remember me when you're the one who's silver screen
Remember me when you're the one you always dreamed
Remember me when everyone's noses start to bleed
Remember me, special needs
Just 19 and sucker's dream I guess I thought you had the flavour
Just 19 and dream obscene with six months off for bad behaviour
Remember me when you clinch your movie deal
And think of me stuck in my chair that has four wheels
Remember me through flash photography and screams
Remember me, special dreams
Just 19 this sucker's dream I guess I thought you had the flavour
Just 19 and dream obscene with six months off for bad behaviour
Just 19 and sucker's dream I guess I thought you had the flavour
Just 19 and dream obscene with six months off for bad behaviour
Remember me...
Just 19 this sucker's dream I guess I thought you had the flavour
Just 19 and dream obscene with six months off for bad behaviour
Just 19 and sucker's dream I guess I thought you had the flavour
Just 19 and dream obscene with six months off for bad behaviour
Remember me...
Special Needs - Placebo
I like that song, i somehow connect with it. It's not that i dont like the band, the music they play, but the lyrics just hit me and on some level i like that. I can relate my life somehow... maybe not relate it but i dont know i just feel funny inside when i hear this song.
Anyway i just feel funny all the time now, i dont know if im happy, upset, lonely, or what. I feel numb sometimes, like so numb that i can kick my foot against the wall as hard as i can and i cant feel it, it runs that far into me, its both physical, mental and emotional.
Maybe its bordem? who knows, i just want it to be over, i think feeling upset would be better than not feeling anything at all. It could be im nervous about PS(Peer Support) on Friday because Julie wont be there but then i have done orals infront of a class before so it shouldnt bother me. I just dont know, i cant pinpoint it and its tiring me out.
I have been so tired lately.
Im so angry at Phil lately. Like take today for example. There is a bunch of us that do Community Service instead of sport because thats what we choose to do and the teacher that takes us is my Accounting teacher and it was our first day today, anyway i had accounting Monday and Tuesday and i asked the teacher if we were going to do Community Service today because he had not sent out permission slips until today, but he said we were doing it you just have to get the slip handed in by tomorrow.
So i told my friends this on BOTH days and still they ask today if we were going. I got so angry and Phil being the one that asked the question directly after Kelly, whom asked the same question to me and i had already answered and he was listening to me.
I was so frustrated, i went "Were going" sort of pissed like and he goes "Oh fuck off!" and Jess (His "Best Friend") looks at him and laughs... I was about | | that close to cracking and throwing my bottle at him and her, but the thing is i just sat there, didnt say anything back, but didnt talk for the reminder of the lunch break. I felt so little and insignificant and i felt like i was going to cry.
I want to say something to him about how he speaks and treats everyone but nothing comes out of my mouth when i find the opportunity to speak to him, Plus i have two classes with him, and i dont want to have a fight at the start of the year and deal with his shit for the rest, although im already doing that but just on a lower level.
I dont know, the more i think of it the more i become angry yet upset at myself for not saying anything. He can be so crude sometimes, its almost like he is some driver that you ran up the arse off and they get out of their car and have a go at you.
Ugh and what makes it worse is all he talks about is driving... still and how better he is in everything. I will decribe him in a nutshell for anyone actually reading this.
Phil, the obnoxious, crude, annoying, pain in the arse, stealer, type of guy. I mean he steals our food out of our bags, doesnt ask for it, just goes through our bags and takes it, well at least most of it. And dont get me started on when you get hot food from the tuckshop... he takes 3/4 of it, doesnt ask, just automatically reaches for it and takes it.
Now i have tried to be nice about it, saying that he has his own food, and that if he is still hungry he shouldnt be so lazy and pack more, but nothing and i mean nothing works!
I just wanted to yell at him today, i couldnt stand being around him.
I would have said something along the lines of (This takes place just after he has said "Oh fuck off!") "Well if you were fucking listening to me, maybe i wouldnt have to repeat myself and get shitty because i keep having to repeat myself! And seriously if your still hungry, buy your own fucking lunch and not steal ours, or bring more food! do you know how many days i have gone home hungry because you steal my fucking food?! the food that my family buys for me, not you! me! and stop with the driving talk, i dont give a fuck! You want to tell someone tell Jess! Not Me! Now stay the fuck away from me, bastard!" blah blah blah. (Thats how angry i am with him)
To tell you the truth i think he gets jealous of me and some other people in our group, because well not to be stuck up, but better off than his family, or we have like our groups in our actual big group. Like Kelly, Aimee and I are one group of our entire group, then there is Becky, Abby, Tameka as another, then Lucy and Lillie, and then its more just Jess and Phil but i think Phil gets bored of Jess because well the are "Best friends" but i dont know, i am just sick of him. But he shouldnt, cause we dont rub in or show off that we all have a bit of money while his family is not struggling for it but doesnt have a lot of it. And hey thats fine, because i have lived most of my life like that when i was little, its only been this year that dad got a raise and is earning like so much more and he deserves it anyway, he has worked from the day he got kicked out of school, up until now, the only days he has taken off is the ones my mother forces him to take off and the longest that was was 10 days! so he deserves it, not that a lot of people dont but im just emphasising my point!... okay maybe rambling but still!
... I wish he would go away just for a little while. Anyway im off. Have been talking... writing... expressing my self to much and this time it didnt make me feel any better, so i might go to bed or something.
[L] [A] [T] [E] [R]
Bree
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| Ever wonder? |
| 02.07.04 (6:20 am) [edit] |
What your good at? Sometimes i just sit there and think of all the people i know and think what they are good at and can usually get to something, but then i think about what im good at and cant find anything. Why is it like that?
I think i might have blogged about this before... im not sure, so im sorry if i have...
Anyway so i was thinking about it, a lot recently and it upsets me, cause i cant find what im good at. Not a thing.
Now you can sit there and tell me that i shouldnt judge myself up against others, but everyone does it, even if they think they dont... they do. So dont comment and say that i shouldnt cause its wrong and that i should be an individual, because everyone has been in the same boat as me at least once in their life.
*Sigh* im always depressed when doing blogs... anyway i was out with friends tonight and because i wasnt talking at that moment i let my mind wonder and i went around the table in my head and new instantly what they were good at.
Jen - Music, she can pick up any and i mean any instrument and play it like she has been for years.
Phil - Math, Physics
Tom - School (All areas)
Mitchell - School (All areas)
Kara - School (All areas)
Erin - School (All areas)
Sarah - School, more Art but school (All areas)
Me - ?
Im not good at school, sport, not even good at blogging. Im not good at anything and im getting upset over it. I dont want to wait till im 50 and cant walk, to find out what im good at, i want to know now and i dont, god i cant even get my learners the first time...
What's Wrong With Me?
[b]Other Friends[/b]
Aimee - Dancing (and for her to have Muscluar Distrophy its fucking awsome!!!)
Kelly - Cooking
Abby - Sport
Tameka - Sport
Lucy - Art
Lillie - French
Amanda -Sport
Rebecca (Becky) - Sport
Jess - Cooking, Art
Tanya - School (All areas), Sport
Haley - School (All areas)
Christina - School (All areas)
Phil M - Sport
and there is more, i add them later.
I just... i cant even be good at being myself. I dont have anything... [b]ANYTHING!!![/b] and im so upset :cry: :cry: :cry:
I dont excel at anything so why am i here?
Bree
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| Stupidity |
| 01.30.04 (5:28 am) [edit] |
Why is it that everyone says im stupid? Okay so they might not say it out like that... well not all people anyway, but from teachers, to peers, to friends to ex-friends they all say im stupid.
I might not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but im not stupid. I can read, i can write, i can speak, i can have a coherent conversation with someone about intelligent things.
It hurts, it really does. Even phill (the one i was talking about before) we might be talking about i dont know, anything and then suddenly when i voice my opinion, he says something crude like this "oh shut up you stupid bitch" or along the lines like that.
I dont think they see how much it hurts, and they do it all the time, it might be just in a friendly way(if thats possible?) or it might be in a fight, whatever way it is, it hurts. You know, i dont think any of my friends are stupid so why do they think so little of me? i treat them with respect, i help them when they need help yet i get called the stupid one.
Yes yes i have heard it all before, change friends, say something to them, i know i know, but the truth is, you do that and 2 - 3 weeks down the track they continue to do it.
Some people are very tricky when doing it, they wont say im stupid but they will say something that will give me the idea that im stupid, like teachers and ex-friends. And i think they are actually dissapointed in themselves when they dont get the idea across because they become very short answering me and look sort of upset kind of thing, now that might be my imagination but *sigh* i dont know.
Im beginning to think that i am, to tell you the truth, i think i have thought about being stupid ever since grade 1 when the teacher would always come to me and say did i need help (like constantly) and no one else, and i would always be the one going home with extra work, and had to have programmes to help me along with maths and so and so.
The reason im blogging this is because i feel very isolated and vunerable and i cant talk to anyone because they will just say im being "Stupid" and get over it.
:cry: Im really really down this time
Bree :cry:
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| Year 12 |
| 01.28.04 (4:23 am) [edit] |
My first offical day of my final year of school. *Lets out sigh* i dont know if im happy or sad, that this is it. This is what 13 other years (if you went to kindy and preschool) is for.
I have mixed emotions and i know for a fact that they will change throughtout the year. I will go from hating it to probably i dont really want to leave it behind, but everything must pass and i know that my time has come to truly [b]shine[/b].
I dont know, i think i need to think about it more, but let me say my timetable sucks arse! ugh what were they thinking?! putting English on Wednesday just before sport, like anyone would pay attention pfft!
But alas, i must go, i need some sleep or food, one or the other.
Ciao
Bree :D
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| mmm... |
| 01.27.04 (1:43 am) [edit] |
They aren't worth my time, she's not. He's not.
:cry: :cry: :cry:
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| 01.25.04 (7:39 pm) [edit] |
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Sob
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| I hate phil |
| 01.25.04 (4:42 am) [edit] |
Seriously hating him right now. He keeps rubbing in that he has his learner licence. Seriously if i wanted it that much i would go and get it. And the fact that he didnt get it his first time just pissed him off, so we all stayed away, but its not the point, he has it, he shouldnt rub it in that he does, he should like give tips on what is on the test not rub it on our faces.
Jesus im so sick of him, (im talking to him on MSN) ugh total mistake! If i wanted to hear someone speak about not stalling the car or spinning the wheels, i can look it up!
Im so :evil: right now, its not funny. He really knows how to hurt you when you are down. I dont think he does it on purpose but he always has to make himself out to be better than everyone else. Im not sure if its because he comes from a family of 7 (including him) and him being the second youngest but for fuck sake, if he keeps it up, im not going to speak to him again!
*Sigh* i feel like shit now, thanks Phil. I just, i think im going to go and try, and now sort out what everyone calls, "Emotions" or "Feelings" cause they are running on extremely low.
Signed
Bree
P.S. My parents and younger sister move out tomorrow, i dont know if im happy about it or not, i will tell you in the weeks to come.
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| Ugh! |
| 01.23.04 (6:22 am) [edit] |
Ow ow ow!!! omg my mouth! *sob* it hurts so much *sulks* stupid dentist!
Seriously why i wanted to go back is beyond me! Okay so i went to the dentist like what lastweeks Monday (hadn't been in 5 YEARS!) and they said i had to come back today (Friday) and fill up two baby holes, so im like okay... not really trusting them, cause its a private dentist and they charge you anything they freaking want!
So anyway i went back today and had to sit in the chair for and hour and a half, listening to them chat about what they need in order to fill the holes, while im sitting there with gas over my nose, glasses that are falling off my head because they werent on properly and im trying not to float away due to the gas, so what i am trying to say is... OW! even though i had the gas, i had to have 4 needles, and i could still marginally feel everything happening. From him (the dentist dude) literally pulling my teeth to him putting the shit in to fill the holes.
And the thing is, i am the only one in the family that really care for my teeth, sometimes i will go to bed and havent cleaned them, and the next time i get up, i eat something then clean them twice, because i missed them last time, but still two holes appeared no bigger than a pin head and it hurt like crap!
Ugh i have to go back in September for a check up, but i couldnt feel my face, couldnt eat, couldnt talk, so when i came home i slept, it was so nice and i was comfortable :wink: :D
Anyway i think i will finish my rant cause i dont think you want to know all the growsome bits and pieces to it so i will leave :wink:
Bree
P.S. im still hungry...
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| 01.22.04 (3:02 am) [edit] |
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Hmm.
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| Woot!!! |
| 01.19.04 (7:48 am) [edit] |
Look at this place?? omg thank you VG! thank you so much!!
Anyway its short i know, but need to sleep because its technically my sisters birthday right now (1:45am) and i need to sleep so i look half alive tomorrow!
Cya!
Bree :twisted:
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